


Poorly Puckered

by SonjaJade



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Awkward First Times, Awkward Kissing, Drinking Games, Drunkenness, F/M, First Kiss, Reunions, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-05-15 18:10:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5794570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonjaJade/pseuds/SonjaJade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ed's in town for a visit, but Garfiel and Paninya don't agree at all with the gift he brings for Winry...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Poorly Puckered

**Title:** Poorly Puckered  
**Author:** Sonja Jade  
**Series:** Brotherhood  
**Word Count:** 2,863  
**Rating:** T  
**Characters:** Ed/Winry, Paninya, Garfiel  
**Summary:** Ed's in town for a visit, but Garfiel and Paninya don't agree at all with the gift he brings for Winry...  
**Warnings:** Post canon, nothing we don’t already know.  
**Author’s Notes:** Inspired by [**this video**](https://youtu.be/Xp-jZyzQSms?t=20s) of a virgin couple who got married and saved their first kiss for their wedding day.  In short, it was so horrible and awkward that there's no way Ed wouldn't screw up his own first kiss so badly lol. Thanks to my beta [](http://evil-little-dog.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://evil-little-dog.livejournal.com/)**evil_little_dog**  
**Prompt:** December 2015 prompt: First kiss fail  
  
_**~*~*~*PLEASED TO SAY I WON 1ST PLACE!!!*~*~*~**_  
  
  
  
Winry paced at the train station and Paninya teased her.  
  
“Oh yeah, you're smitten with the shrimp, alright,” she said with a knowing chuckle.  
  
“Stop, already!” Winry hissed, crossing her arms as her cheeks warmed.  “He's my fiance, how else am I supposed to feel about him?”  
  
Paninya drew one knee up to her chest as she sat on a barrel at the station.  “I don't remember you being so fond of him before.  What changed?”  
  
Winry swam back through the past few years of memories as she stared at the rails below.  She remembered seeing the Elric brothers out in front of the house, remembered hearing Al's laughter for the first time in ages, and hearing Ed's voice so light and carefree, like he was before their mother had died.  But she couldn't pinpoint the exact moment that Ed started giving her subtle clues about his feelings.  So what really had changed between them?  
  
“Everything, Paninya.”  She turned to her friend and gave her a soft smile.   “Everything changed, and I'm glad it did.”  
  
Her friend wrinkled her nose and shook her head.  “I think I liked it better when you two were fighting all the time.”  
  
That garnered a laugh out of both young women.  Paninya continued to tease and Winry continued to blush and pace the platform and then Paninya asked a very good question:  
  
“So is he a good kisser?”  
  
Winry furrowed her brow in thought.  “I don't know, we haven't kissed yet.”  
  
Paninya's jaw dropped.  “What?  What do you mean you haven't kissed yet?!”  
  
Winry shrugged.  “He asked me to marry him just before he boarded the train out west.  There really wasn't time for one and I haven't seen him since then.”  
  
Paninya peered down the tracks, looking for the train.  She muttered, “Well, I know what he better do as soon as he steps off that train...”  
  
Winry thought about it for a moment.  What _would_ it be like if Ed swept her up in his arms and planted a wet kiss on her lips, twirling her around a couple of times before settling her back on her feet and tugging an engagement ring form his pocket?  She frowned.  That wasn't his style.  She'd been reading too many of Garfiel's smutty romance novels before bed.  But still, what if-  
  
A whistle blew in the distance and smoke could be seen puffing a couple of miles away.  Immediately, her hands went to her dress.  “Do I look alright?”  
  
Paninya climbed off the barrel and came to her friend's side, gripped her by the shoulders.  “You look fine, which means you'll look perfect to him.  Don't worry so much.”  She excused herself, saying she didn't want to be there when Ed kissed her, and that they could catch up later over dinner once Ed got settled in.  
  
Winry could barely contain herself.  It had been eight long months of five minute phone calls and letters that were so stuffed full of photographs that the envelopes barely sealed.  To be able to see him, to touch him…  She smoothed the front of her dress down a second time and checked to be sure there wasn't any dirt on her sandals just as the engine pulled into the berth.  
  
It hissed and clanged as it settled to a complete stop, and then the passenger car doors opened and people began filing out.  There weren't very many visitors, mostly amputees coming for their automail procedures or to be measured for new prosthetics.  But there was a handsome blond among them, dressed in a white collared shirt with his sleeves rolled to his elbows, also wearing a tailored vest and pants with his coat slung over his arm.  Ed strode quickly toward her with a smile that was a mile wide.  
  
He sat his suitcase down and pulled her into his arms, his hand against her head and pressing her into his shoulder.  He was there at last- Ed was there with her, and she was just as overjoyed to see him as she'd been when he first came home after Al got his body back.  She couldn't help breaking out into sobs, though Ed tried to shush her.  
  
“Whaddya cryin' for?,” he murmured into her ear as he held her tighter.  
  
“I'm so happy to see you,” she squeaked.  “I missed you.”  
  
She heard the contented sigh in his chest and decided she didn't want to ever let him go again.  His hands gently gripped her shoulders and he stepped back from her.  “I missed you too, Winry.  You look amazing.”  
  
She laughed nervously (when did being around Ed ever make her nervous before?).  “You don't look so bad yourself, handsome!” she said, smiling as she wiped at her eyes.  He handed her a handkerchief from his pocket and for a moment, they stood there on the platform simply smiling at one another.  
  
Then, Winry watched as Ed's face began to redden, and she steeled herself for what she hoped would be their first kiss.  He awkwardly rubbed at his neck, then cleared his throat, and finally looked down at the toes of his shoes.  He reached out for her hand and held it.  By this point he was red past his ears, prompting her to ask him what was wrong.  
  
“Y-you know…  You know how much I…”  He took a deep breath.  “I love you so much, you know?”  
  
Winry shyly replied, “Of course I do, Ed.”  
  
He nodded, seemingly satisfied with that.  “Good.  Because I do.”  
  
“I do, too.  Love you, I mean,” Winry offered, hating how embarrassing the whole thing was.  When would they ever feel comfortable saying such things out loud?  
  
“And one day…  We'll get married, right?” Then he waved his hand in front of him and his shoulders slumped forward.  “I did a terrible job of asking you the first time, and I still can't say it right!  Can I start over?”  
  
Winry was sorry to see him so flustered.  “You'll be here for a week, you've got time to figure it out.”  
  
“No, I want it to be the first thing I do, and not a last minute afterthought.”  He took her hands in his and he gazed into her eyes.  Winry hadn't really looked too deeply into that golden stare before and she felt weak in the knees.  
  
“Winry, we've been through a lot of shit together, and you've been right by my side through everything.  I don't know what I would do without you, and you mean everything to me.”  He paused long enough to swallow audibly.  “Will you stay by my side always?”  
  
She took a deep breath.  That was much better than the first time, at least.  She smiled up at him, squeezing his fingers between hers.  “Of course I will.”  
  
He appeared to be leaning down to her, and Winry knew that this was it: their first kiss was going to happen in Rush Valley, on November 15 th, 1918 at 4:17 in the afternoon, on the incoming passenger platform for track #3-  
  
“Oh my goodness, Edward!  You've gotten so tall!” Garfiel cried out, causing Ed to straighten up immediately.  Inwardly, Winry raged at her master's bad timing.  Outwardly, she smiled as she watched the two men shake hands, Ed gathering his suitcase off the ground as they began to file out of the station.  As they walked, he reached down for her hand and held it throughout the city, only letting go once they'd reached the atelier.  
  
“Now listen,” Garfiel began, his hands on his hips and his spit curl perfectly in place, “I insisted that you and Winry share her room, but she said that it wasn't appropriate.  So I apologize in advance for making you sleep on the sofa, dear.”  
  
“It's alright, I'm just grateful to be able to stay with people I know instead of at another hotel.”  
  
Garfiel gave him a brief hug, then told him to dress in something more casual, because he was treating everyone to dinner at his favorite tavern.   “And we're gonna play Shots Around the World, so bring your spare liver!”  
  
Ed laughed at that, saying he already knew he was going to lose.  He smiled at Winry.  “Guess you get to see me drunk tonight.”  
  
Without missing a beat, she returned his smile, replying, “You might see me drunk as well.”  
  
“I dunno, Win- I can hold my liquor pretty well.”  
  


“And you forget who my grandmother is!” she said, giving him a smirk as she gave him some privacy to change clothes.  Twenty minutes later, they were on their way to the Valley Taproom.

 

* * *

“Paninya!” Winry shrieked.  
  
“What?”  
  
Of course she got to ask the first question of the game and she had proudly said, “Never have I ever kissed anyone other than family!”  She and Garfiel knocked their shots back while Ed and Winry sat there with pink cheeks.  
  
Once Garfiel recovered from his fizzy pop chaser, he gasped.  “You two haven't even touched lips?”  
  
Paninya howled with laughter.  “That's what I said!”  
  
“Sorry, Ed,” she mumbled staring at the filled shot glass in front of her.  
  
He didn't say anything, though Garfiel was pointing out a couple in the corner making out and suggested they try it sometime.  
  
“Once you kiss her like that, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner!”  He even went on suggest that they try it right then and there!  
  
Thankfully Ed was in control of the situation.  “Don't worry, Mr. Garfiel.  I've got a week before I leave again, I'm sure we'll have another opportunity.  How about this- Never have I ever broken a man's nose!”  
  
This time only Paninya sat out on the drinking.  She protested though, saying she had been in plenty of scuffles before and had _tried_ to break a man's nose.  Ed grinned, asking Winry how she'd done it.  
  
His hand slipped into hers under the table.  He squeezed it and she seemed to relax after Paninya and Garfiel's irritating behavior.  “He tried to touch me when I was working on a hip socket, so I hit him in the face with the spanner I was using and he left town after that.”  
  
Ed laughed heartily as Garfiel backed up her story.  “Shit, I've been on the receiving end of those wrenches myself.  Getting the hell out of town was smart!”  
  
“Your turn, Garfiel!” she said cheerfully.  
  
“Never have I ever…” He tapped his chin in thought a moment.  “Never have I ever stuck my finger in a pencil sharpener.”  
  
Ed and Paninya drank, much to Winry and Garfiel's amusement.  And just like that, the matter of Ed and Winry's first kiss was forgotten, at least for the moment.  
  
A few hours later, it came back to haunt Winry.  
  
Ed, now drunk as a skunk and half lounging on her shoulder, was slurring his words and telling them all about a huge fish he'd help snare out off the coast of the Hargitay Sea, all the way over on Drachma's most western shore.  The barmaids started singing their last call song and the four of them ordered one last shot for the road.  
  
As they left the Taproom, Ed said, “'M tellin' ya, that thing 'as biggus two train cars.”  
  
Paninya, who was as drunk as Ed and being half carried by Garfiel, said, “Shoulda put a saddle on 'im and rode 'im out past the sunset!”  Then she whooped and circled her arm around in the air like a cowboy throwing a lasso.  
  
“Guys,” Ed whispered loudly.  “I gotta secret!”  
  
“Oooh, what is it, Edward?” Garfiel asked.  
  
“'M not really going back out west in a week!  Got all my 'search done.  Gonna stay here with Win and type 'tall up!”  
  
Winry was pleasantly buzzing on her alcohol, but was clear headed enough to know that was quite a serious statement.  She stopped them in the street.  “Ed, you sure you're not crazy drunk right now?”  
  
He stood up straight, or at least as straight as he could manage.  He took her face in his hands and smiled softly at her.  “'M all done out west, Win.  Wanna stay here with you, see what the next step is.  I want you with me from now on...”  
  
Without warning, he tilted his head and captured her mouth.  When she gasped at the feel of his lips on hers, he jammed his tongue into her mouth and she didn't know what to do.  For a moment, she stood there with her mouth open, then she closed her eyes and decided to at least try to kiss him back.  In her fuzzy mind, it felt like trying to put two greased rubber bands together, and that sometimes Ed was sucking on her lips like a vacuum cleaner while simultaneously trying to choke her with his tongue.  
  
When she heard Garfiel criticizing Ed's performance, she gently pushed him away.  “Maybe we shouldn't do this right out in the street Ed...”  
  
“I've kissed fish better than that!” Paninya cackled.  Garfiel shushed her, saying Ed just needed to practice.  
  
“Winny,” he slurred, his hands still holding her face while his thumbs brushed against her hot cheeks.  “Can I sleep with you tonight?”  
  
Winry's eyes were big as dinner plates.  “Uhh...”  
  
“Edward, dear- If you want to save face this evening you probably shouldn't try anything else until you've sobered up.  Poor Winry's embarrassed enough as it is.”  
  
That made Ed frown.  “Oh.  'Kay.”  
  
Garfiel led them down the dark streets, dropping Paninya off at the house she stayed in with the LeCoulte family, then helped drag Edward back to their workshop and up the steps.  After tossing him haphazardly on the sofa, he cautioned Winry, “He'll probably pass out soon.  I think you're safe if you want to lie there with him for a moment.”  He said to shout if she needed him, then bid them both goodnight.  
  
Alone in the sitting room, the silence seemed overwhelming to Winry.  The tavern had been loud, the walk home had been loud, and now it was just too quiet.  Maybe Ed had already passed out.  
  
And then everything whirled as Ed's arm came around her and tugged her down to lie beside him.  
  
“Edwa-”  
  
“Shhh...”  One arm was pillowed under her head while the other was draped over her waist.  “I 'as serious earlier.  'M staying here with you for a while.”  His fingers ran through her hair and she closed her eyes.  “'That alright?”  
  
“Yeah,” she answered quietly.  Her fingers dragged slowly through the gold fuzz that had grown on his forearms.  She was thinking about the kiss, how terrible it had been- but how wonderful Ed himself was.  He'd been so sweet, and his intention was surely to wow instead of disappoint.  And what did she know anyway, she'd never kissed anyone either, so maybe the problem was _her_.  
  
“Sorry ‘bout that kiss.  I'll make it up t’ you, promise.”  
  
They were alone, Garfiel gone to bed and his light out, and Winry didn’t want him to feel bad for any reason.  She rolled over so she could face him.  Now it was her turn to touch him, her fingertips gently touching his jaw where the slightest of stubble grew.  
  
“It's the thought that counts,” she whispered.  “Thank you for being my first kiss.”  
  
Ed's eyes were still closed when he rested his forehead against hers.  “Thank you f’ being mine.”  
  
Winry couldn't help but twist her head and kiss him chastely on the mouth.  “I love you,” she said quietly, leaning in to kiss him again.  
  
This time she led them and it was everything she'd hoped it would be.  Their lips actually met this time, Ed wasn't obnoxiously trying to suck her lips off, and this time when their tongues met, it was with slow caresses that made her more dizzy than the alcohol had.  Perhaps all the detailed descriptions in Garfiel's romance novels had paid off after all.  
  
Ed drew back, panting as he fought to catch his breath.  Winry snuggled into his chest and she felt his voice vibrate through his ribs.  
  
“So that's how 's done.”  
  
“Just slow down, you'll be fine,” she commented as he pulled her closer to him.  
  
“Man, this couch sure is lumpy.”  
  
Winry hesitated only a second.  “We could go to my bed, if you want.”  After all, Ed was going to be her husband, and she was a grown woman, now.  If she wanted to bring him to her bed, whose business was it but hers and Ed's anyway?  
  
“We could lay on a pile of rocks, so long as you're with me.”  
  
Now she chuckled.  “C'mon, you drunk.  Let's go to bed.”  
  
“I'll never say no to that,” he said with a grin as he moved his arm so Winry could get up.  Once on her feet, she helped him to his and they retired to her room.  In the dark, it was easier to change into her night shirt while Ed shucked his pants and shoes off and crawled under the covers.  Winry settled herself in his arms, the sound of his breathing lulling her quickly to sleep.


	2. Slung Under

**Title:** Slung Under  
 **Author:** Sonja Jade  
 **Series:** Brotherhood  
 **Word Count:** 1,082  
 **Rating:** T  
 **Characters:** Ed/Win, Garfiel  
 **Summary:** The morning after their horrible first kiss (and their amazing second one) is most definitely one to remember.  
 **Warnings:** Awkward firsts, potentially a little on the NSFW side (though nothing explicit)  
 **Author’s Notes:** Ahh, memories…  
 **Prompt:** March 2016- Continuation of a previous fill (December 2015 prompt- First Kiss Fail;[ “Poorly Puckered”](http://fma-fic-contest.livejournal.com/1205374.html))  
  
 ** _~*~*~*~*PLEASED TO SAY I TIED FOR 2ND PLACE!!!*~*~*~*~_**

 

 

It was midafternoon when Ed awoke, and no sooner had he opened his eyes did he promptly squeeze them shut again.  Sunshine had heated Winry’s upstairs room up like an oven, and he kicked the blankets off with a groan.  His head was pounding.  His mind was foggy.  His mouth tasted like fucking hell and he was sore from being half dragged through the streets of Rush Valley, too drunk to walk.  
  
“Damn,” he groaned quietly to himself, blocking the sunlight from his eyes with the weight of his arm.  He’d had hangovers before, but none of them had ever been quite this bad.  He figured he must’ve really let himself go at the Valley Taproom with Winry and her friends.  
  
He gingerly rolled his head toward his fiancé and grinned.  She was sprawled out on her belly, her arms jammed under her pillow and one leg kicked up, as if she were doing some military crawl under barbed wires-  
  
And snoring like a chainsaw.  He chuckled in spite of the way it echoed horribly in his head and reached for a stray strand of her hair, gleaming in the reflected light from her mirror.  He whispered that she was beautiful like this.  His cheeks felt like they were on fire, despite knowing there was no way anyone could have heard what he’d just admitted out loud.  
  
He woke up slowly, listening to the sounds of the people in Rush Valley’s streets below, in no hurry to get up and get dressed enough to go to the bathroom or find some aspirin or food.  He was content to lie in bed next to Winry until the sun went down, even if she didn’t wake up until hours after that.  He found her weight in the bed next to him comforting and her warmth soothing.  He closed his eyes and willed his headache to ease up as he lounged beside her.  
  
Moments later, Winry groaned in her sleep and turned over onto her side, and Ed’s mouth went dry.  Her nightgown buttoned at the neck, a row of about seven little light blue disks that kept her breasts hemmed into the garment.  All but one was still fastened, and he could see almost the entirety of one boob and a good deal of her cleavage.  
  
Now nearly twenty-one, he wasn’t stupid and he’d seen his fair share of ladies’ bosoms.  Not all parts of the world were as civilized as Amestris and some tribal nations wore the barest of clothes.  But this was Winry, and when she shifted a little further, he caught the slightest glimpse of a color darker and more tan than the rest of her breast, and realizing he was gazing at her areola, his shorts suddenly became much less roomy than before.  
  
He told himself he should look away, that he should get up and pull his pants on, go downstairs and get something for the headache and something to eat; give her some privacy to wake up.  But he couldn’t tear his eyes away, couldn’t tear his imagination from the thought of waking her up with kisses down her neck and ending on that sweet spot just barely covered by the neckline of her nightgown.  
  
Logically, the fact he was getting so worked up over a place on her body more saturated with melanin was ridiculous.  Besides, he’d seen dozens of mothers feeding their babies and it never affected him like this.  He didn’t understand why- he’d even seen those same nipples when they were children splashing in the creek under their mothers’ watchful eyes.  
  
“Morning,” Winry murmured, her voice off pitch and deeper from sleep.  
  
Ed couldn’t speak.  He felt like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.  He couldn’t even make his hands move to cover his insistent erection.  He watched Winry’s eyes as they travelled down his body and stopped there, her cheeks pinking just the slightest.  
  
“Um,” she said as a grin spread to her lips.  Her hand hesitantly reached out to rest on his stomach and he almost forgot how to breathe.  
  
“Did you need some help with it?”  
  
Ed was sure his eyes were going to fall out of his head as wide as they were.  At least his headache seemed to be cured with the adrenaline coursing through his veins.  
  
“I-I-I’m sorry-”  
  
“Don’t be,” she said gently, her fingers going lower.  
  
“Do you know?  How to?” he asked, his voice higher in pitch and trembling.  His hands were trembling the closer she got to his cock.  
  
Winry chewed her lip.  “I’ve read some things.”  Ed remembered seeing the stack of ‘smut novels’ piled on her night stand as his eyes surveyed the room earlier.  She scooted closer.  “Is it alright?”  
  
He wanted to say yes- roll her to her back, rip that damn nightgown open and really make love to her the way he’d been dreaming about for a solid six months or more.  But his damn mouth had dried up completely again and he couldn’t form words in his mind.  
  
Her fingertips ducked under the waistband of his shorts, smoothing over the dark blond trail of hair that led to more under the cotton plaid underwear around his hips-  
  
“Hey, are you two gonna sleep all day! I cooked and-”  
  
Ed rolled violently to the side and threw up on the floor, his nerves snapping at the sound of Garfiel bursting through the door and seeing them in such a state of intimacy.  
  
Winry shrieked as she hurried to her feet to grab a rag for Ed to wipe his mouth with.  She rushed over and pulled his hair back out of the way, giving him her wastebasket to fill instead of the little rug by the bed.  
  
“I’m so sorry, Win,” Ed croaked, hearing Garfiel shouting an apology from the other side of the door.  
  
She shook her head, patting and rubbing his back.  “No, I’m sorry that we didn’t spend our first night together at the hotel.”  
  
Once he was sure he was alright to stand up, they set about cleaning up his mess together.  Winry brought him clean, wet towels while he scrubbed the bile and alcohol from the floor.  As they dressed (backs to one another), Garfiel called up the stairs:  
  
“Should I cook extra for that beast in Ed’s pants?”  
  
Ed turned to Winry.  “If we’re gonna stay in Rush Valley, we need a place of our own.”  
  
To his relief, Winry agreed.


End file.
